Section · Satire

Impossible Discoveries

Completely fictional stories from the Impossible Discoveries desk. None of it happened.

Archaeologists Unearth Ancient Group Chat Where Nobody Replied

Archaeologists have unearthed an ancient group chat inscribed on limestone tablets, confirming that humanity has been ignoring social invitations for over three thousand years.

Fictional

Scientists Discover Mondays Are Caused by an Unfinished Software Update

Researchers say the week’s least popular day is not a day at all, but a planetary patch that has been stuck at 97% since the dawn of the calendar.

Fictional